"If everything was perfect we
would forget how much we need out Heavenly Father."
Someone said this in my Sunday School class a few weeks ago and it
really stuck with me. Looking back on this past year it is obvious how much
help I need from my loving Heavenly Father. My year started out in the peak of
a mental disorder. I was weak. Probably the weakest I have even been. My
relationship with my loved ones were being effected and I felt completely
alone. Finally, I decided to ask for help. I went to my Heavenly Father and
begged him to help me. That's when I decided to go to my bishop and open up to
my parents about what was really going on inside my head. I couldn't fight
myself anymore. That's the thing about mental disorders. You are constantly at
war with yourself! Nobody else can tell you to apologize or stop or point
fingers. It's all on you. It was hard for me to love myself for a really long
time.
At the same time. I was preparing to embark on my international
adventure to Vietnam. In order to go to Vietnam I had to complete 90 hours of
community service. This taught me a lot about how blessed I am and I quickly
noticed that the war with myself stopped as soon as I started helping other
people with their own battles. I truly believe that preparing for the service
trip had almost just as much of an effect on me as the actual trip. Heavenly
Father really knew what he was doing when youthlinc miraculously had one more
spot left on their team even when I applied four months late..
My next trial wasn't where to go to college, but who to go to
college with. Pretty much all of my friends had their hearts set on BYU. I had
my heart set on USU and there was no way I was going alone. I remember
constantly being on my knees praying that I would end up at the right place
with the right people.
Oh boy! He came through 100 times more than I could ever imagine. My
roommate, Claire has been a huge blessing in 2013. I know she really didn't
want to go to USU. I had to talk her into it. She ended up coming to Logan with
me and I couldn't be happier. The friends that we have made up in Logan will
always have a place in my heart. They are truly the best roommates I could have
asked for.
Going on a mission was a tough choice to make. A lot of my guy
friends left right when High School was over. Throughout the summer it felt
like I spent every Sunday running from one farewell to the other. How was I
supposed to decide if I should go or not? Once again- it was time to pray. I
took a mission prep class and really enjoyed it. Slowly I just decided that my
answer was simple. If I have the desire to go I should go. At first I felt like
this answer was too simple. I started to doubt myself and tell myself that my
desire to go was just because so many of my friends were going. I was
terrified! That's when I went to the temple. I sat outside the Logan temple and
came across this scripture :
D&C 4:3- Therefore, if ye have desires to serve God ye are called to the
work;
This is when I prayed. I told my heavenly father that I had
the desire to serve a mission and that I was going to serve a mission. If he
didn’t think that was a good idea then I he would have to figure out a way to
stop me. My papers go in on January 22 and I could not be more excited. As I
have worked on my papers everything has fallen into place. I slowly realize how
the timing of everything has almost been too perfect. I have grown so much
closer to my Heavenly father and the returned missionaries in my family. Oh how
I adore this gospel. I cannot wait to share it with the world.
2013 had so many trials that I will never forget. Now that
they are over it’s so much easier to see why everything happened the way it
did. I’m so excited to see what 2014 has in store for me. I’m going gain a
niece and sister-in-law pretty soon. Who knows what else the lord will put in
my life.
